Thursday, May 1, 2008

Zomcon saved my marriage!






Despite my best efforts my wife has joined the ranks of the UNDEAD!
It all began when my parents [who are old] came down to visit for my birthday. All was well at first. We were all sitting around watching a movie called "FIDO" when my lovely mother [who is old] became filled with excited laughter while watching the film. I remember being somewhat concerned as I watched her [in her old age] role around on the floor with glee giggling! And that's when she died! Quickly I ran to her side, knelt down and tried to revive her. Before long the color escaped from my [old] mothers face and I began to realize that I had lost her! I turned away sobbing and my father [who is also old and very close to death himself] was calling 911!
"yes she was laughing and she just...QUIT" he said "I don't know what could have happened... The movie wasn't that good... no... its just... that it has a very silly plot you see and.... OH! Hang On!... she is sitting up now. I think every thing is fine now... sorry I bothered you... you too by by!"
I whirled around to see my mother [Looking older than ever] sitting up with a strange look in her eyes. Thant's when I realized from my rigorous training that the pupils of her eyes had turned RED an obvious sign of ZOMBIEFICATION! I jumped up and yelled to my [old] father.
"go get my new gun!... The classic mussel loading cap-lock that I got for my birthday"
while he scrambled to the guest room I grabbed Amanda in one arm and a chair with another and poked it at my undead mother trying to keep her at bay! But, I wasn't strong enough for her new found supernatural strength! despite all my poking and screaming she grabbed Amanda by the pinkie finger and bit her thumb! Just then... when it looked like all was lost a loud explosion filled the house and my mother turned her attention to my day [He's old] standing in the doorway with a smoking rifle. I took advantage of the situation grabbed Amanda and RAN! just as we were leaving the house I glanced back to see my father [that's right.... getting older by the minuet] being bitten by my Zombie mom who had big bullet hole in her side!

Amanda and I were half way to the hospital when she died and by the time I finished duct tapping her to the hospital gurney she turned. By the time we were in the emergency room she was a full fledged ZOMBIE! Although, all was not lost! The doctor at the ER explained to me that there was a new treatment from a company called "Zomcon" for those who were recently "Undeaded". I told the Doctor to preform the procedure [which strangely, was covered by my health plan] with out delay! To my surprise soon my wife was back at my side. We can live life much as we did before! Of corse she has to take her Prosaic and is no longer "Kidsafe Approved" at church. But her teachers say that she has become a much better student and even though she is now green she is still my love machine!

Grant Maloney
Zombie LOVER

4 comments:

Pryncss Briana said...

Y'all are silly!

April Cogburn said...

Very creative! Okay, so what is really going on in your lives?

JoeSlice said...

What one word comes to mind when reading Grant's posts, 80% of his texts, almost all of his e-mails, and just shaking his hand?

"GROSS"

Amanda, congratulations on your un-undeadenning.

Grant, I hope that you were able to successfully kill your parents after they died.

Sarah said...

lol..... that was weird.... um... thats all